To those of you who have not been personally impacted by my actions in this way:
If someone comes to you with a concern, it’s not your job to determine if you think it’s actually a big deal or if they deserve to be as upset as they are. It doesn’t matter if you wouldn’t have minded the situation, or if you would have handled it differently, or whatever. Irrelevant.
There are two main parts to this. First is isolated events vs patterns. Often, when someone comes to you, very upset about something seemingly minor, that’s not a good hint that they’re overreacting, it’s a good hint that that’s not the only instance/not the only thing they’re upset about. Second is a broader idea of the same concept, but because of differing histories and experiences, people react differently to different things. Some things that are fine for some people are massively damaging to others, and what matters isn’t the action itself so much as the damage caused. When we punish people for battery, we don’t have a set fine per newton of force used, because that’s dumb. It’s about damage done. “But your honor, I was only intending to bruise! I didn’t know he had brittle bones!” is not a valid defense shut up.
To those of you who have been personally impacted by my actions in this way:
I am so, so sorry. I don’t know if any of you will end up reading this, but if you do, you know who you are. I have trivialized your experiences and belittled your feelings by looking at isolated parts of a pattern. I have blown off experiences just because they wouldn’t have affected me the same way. You came to me, hurt, and I just hurt you more, and I regret that immensely. I do not want to have hurt any of you, especially while you were vulnerable, and I am mortified that I have been such a shortsighted asshole. I hope that you can, at some point, forgive me.
the “you live with your parents” insult is really flaccid because a metric shitton of cultures don’t see “leave the house forever” as some grandiose moment of liberation that’s so important to the development of a person that it has to happen as fast as possible. until i came to the USA i didn’t know a single person who was pressured by their parents to leave the house because they’re “too old to stay there” or whatever. in puerto rico it is really common to stay with your parents until they and you are both stable enough that you can leave. whaddaya know, there are cultures that don’t place a stigma on being poor or wanting to care for your family or needing your family to care for you for some other reason.
"If more girls wanted to be scientists, there would be more female scientists"
*takes a deep breath* WE LIVE IN A SOCIETY THAT ACTIVELY DISCOURAGES FEMALE INTELLIGENCE BY PAINTING IT AS A NON FEMININE TRAIT AND SETS UP MALES TO BE IN POSITIONS OF ACADEMIC SUPERIORITY DESPITE THERE BEING NO CORRELATION BETWEEN GENDER AND ACADEMIC ABILITY thank you for your time
- Independence and safety (not having to rely on abusive ppl, getting to control how you spend your time and money)
- Experiences (travel, events, vacations, entertainment)
- Health (medical care duh, good food, good location, reduced stress)
- Opportunity (car, being able to move, having a safety net, “looking professional”)
- Confidence (clothes that make you look good, things that make you feel good)
iunno that seems a lot like happiness
You know who else is underrated? Owl City. This introverted guy who wrote a bunch of songs on his computer in his parents basement. With lyrics like “reality is a lovely place, but I wouldn’t wanna live there” and “please take a long hard look through your textbook, cause I’m history” and he tweets stuff like “got groceries. Enough social interaction for the week” and “girl I ain’t no astronaut, but I need a little space” and I love owl city